This post is written both to those who attended the Hoop Path retreat, and to those who could not be there. And if you were not there, and are not sure if you should attend in the future, all I can say is:
DO IT!
The experience was so powerful, that it will be hard to describe it in words...
Being at the retreat gave me a lot of perspective and new insight about my life, both in and out of the hoop. A major theme that Baxter kept reiterating is the idea that progress and growth are not optional; to loosely paraphrase him:
We all have the tendency to view the goal of becoming our ideal highest selves as optional. IE: Oh, well, maybe I will (improve my relationships, stop overeating, make more time for hooping, stop doing drugs, quit my dead-end job, etc)...or maybe I will just continue to coast through and be satisfied with mediocrity.
But, as Baxter said, there is no maybe about it. The maybe is just an illusion. The real truth is that the only choices are: Emerge, or Die. Break free from the demons that constrain you (addiction, depression, and the like), or simply die. And a slow death is no less tragic than a sudden one. Perhaps even more so...
Obviously, this message meant different things to different attendees. All I can share is what it meant for me. Many things became clear: expecting to grow as a hoop dancer without the loving commitment to a daily practice is akin to expecting magic to grant me un-earned mastery. And by not practicing, aren't I almost saying that I value the end result (technique and appearance) over the actual process (practice, bliss, and experience). I say this because my recent relationship with the hoop has centered solely around performance, and selling hoops, etc, which I see now are superficial contexts when related to actual time spent with the hoop simply because. I used to foolishly regard a daily practice as something for what I used to think of as technique- or trick-driven hoopers, and preferred to regard myself as one driven simply by joy and expressiveness.
But, as I now realize, without any commitment to practice, where is my joy, where is my expressiveness? They are non-existent. For me, I now see my lack of daily personal practice as something like having unrealistic expectations from a romantic relationship. If I spent NO time on a daily basis with my partner, and instead saw and communicated with this person no more than a few times a month, how could I possibly expect there to be a deep and true connection. And what would those rare, intermittent conversations be like? And the sex? It would all be empty indeed, and this in turn reveals to me WHY I had been feeling like I had hit a wall with my hooping...lack of practice. Not because practice would increase my trick repertoire. Not because practice would impress others, or even because it would make me lose weight. I see now that my reasons for practice can include: reaching for bliss, releasing stress, celebrating the fact that God has given me a body that can move and dance and is alive for today...which, by the way is the only day I need (or have) to practice in. I only need to practice for one single day to be a bad-ass, blissed-out hooper. Today.
Then, of course, I also have been applying Baxter's teaching to all areas of my life in addition to thinking of it in terms of hooping. My finances--this includes demons which delude me into chronic covetousness ("desire is not an occupation") and into thinking that debt could ever be an answer to anything. The insanity of compulsive overeating--using food to numb the pain of carrying excess weight--some of you out there feel me, and know the insidious nature of this particular demon. Self-negation in relationships--people pleasing, lack of self-honesty, on and and on and on...
But the purpose of this post is not to lament and list all my struggles...rather, I simply wanted to use this post as a space to reflect on some of what the retreat has meant to me. I am so grateful that I had a chance to be there. Again, I say to those of you who are considering attending next year for the first time or for the fifth time: go! You know in your spirit if you need to be there, and if you have doubts just step out in faith...
I think I speak for the entire hoop community when I say that I am so grateful for the message of hope and healing that Baxter carries through his Hoop Path curriculum. I have no doubt in my mind that his work has been divinely inspired, and I consider him to be a visionary in the truest sense. We are blessed to have you Baxter; thank you for all that you are and all that you do.
As hoop-path-ers are fond of repetition, all I can really say about the entire retreat to my Higher Power, my teachers, and my fellow students, is:
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
pe*A*ce to you all...see you next year!
